As I waited in line to order a quick lunch on the go, I spotted a little girl and her family at a popular fast-food location in the busy Atlanta airport. Probably around 6 years old, the girl was guarding her food and giving a mean look to a man as he walked by her table and joked about sharing her fries. When the stranger finally tossed away his trash and disappeared into the crowd, the girl’s mom reprimanded her and told her not to be so rude.
I was a bit bemused. I wondered how many times that same little girl had heard her parents warn her to never talk to strangers. But in this case, she was being punished for not talking to a stranger.
The thing is, when it comes to being nice, we’ve been taught from a very young age to be respectful. We’ve been reared to use good manners at all times. We teach our children to be polite, and we correct them or even punish them when they are not. Females, especially, are expected (and reminded) to nurture, to care for, to be kind and to be considerate. Girls are given a heavy dose of the instruction: “Be sweet.” And in The South, people ooze Southern hospitality and often engage in deep, personal (possibly overly revealing) conversations with complete strangers. I’ve been an unfortunate witness to many of these “TMI” discussions, most often in the grocery store, at the hair salon or in the doctor’s office.
Being nice is just not all it’s cracked up to be. In fact, being nice can sometimes get us into trouble. Being kind and considerate means we might ignore our instincts — that gut feeling that something or someone isn’t right. We might make poor decisions since we’re so worried about other people and what THEY might think or what THEY might need. Being well mannered might even mean that we allow ourselves to get into uncomfortable or unsafe situations.
While there most certainly is a proper time and place to use good manners (and to teach our children to do the same), there can also be a proper time and place for the complete opposite. So I’m giving you permission to NOT be nice. I’m telling you it’s okay to do what it takes to protect yourself and your loved ones. Be aggressive. Be firm. Be bold. Be brave. Be willing to bend the rules or even break them entirely if it means you win. Be relentless in your decision to not be a victim … and to never give up.
Remember this advice, and don’t forget to share it with others, as well. We don’t always have to be sweet. If a stranger is making your child uncomfortable, let her put up her guard and practice what it’s like to be cautious, sensible and aware. And instead of being so preoccupied with being nice, let’s focus on being good … good people who know the difference between right and wrong, who are responsible and reasonable and who are willing to protect life at all costs.
